Recently, someone asked me for some relationship advice, and oh boy…
What do you say to a person in the throes of pain and rejection? They’re going through such an emotional event.
Well, here it goes…
We’ve all had our hearts broken — I know I have — but frankly, as a human being, you want the full range of emotions. You want to feel everything…
Because if you live a life that is only pleasure, you won’t have any context for how good things are.
So enjoy the feeling of heartbreak if you can. Or, at the very least, try to appreciate it. Let it help you feel empathy for other people’s pain.
But also remember that you get to decide where you put your attention and how much of your sadness you’re going to listen to.
For a year and a half of my life, any time that I was not engaged in something, I would go to this place of sadness and rejection. Day or night, it was always available to me…
And as it turns out, sadness can be a kind of mental masturbation. People crave emotional stimuli — it’s a form entertainment — and hoo-wee! A broken heart is one heck of an entertaining ride.
I’m not saying it’s bad to dwell on this experience, but here’s my advice to you: If you’re going to do that, then don’t just feel sorry for yourself; at least reflect upon your own responsibility for the heartbreak.
The truth is that every relationship is a conspiracy between two people…
So if you had your heart broken, well, you probably contributed something to that result too, and you can use this pain as a learning experience.
I feel you, caller. Thanks for the question.
Highlights:
0:28 You want to be the guy who has had the experience of heartbreak and understands what that is
1:42 The way to handle heartbreak is to feel the rejection and the emotion
2:30 People go in to heartbreak when they are bored
3:06 People are moving towards emotion
